For another round of MSN mayhem, Chris and Gábor discussed BBC Top Gear full of hideous references, old men in small cars and a pricey car that makes no sense.
G: Okay, Aston Martin Voyage or Virage, whatever that was. Lotus Lada is the Aston team in F1, did you know that?C: No, but thanks to the power of the Internet and social networking, I do now. And how much richer my life is on receipt of this news.
G: For decades, Lada was making the same cars and Aston Martin is down that road too, except they don't change their engines either. They are good looking, but every one of them is déja vu on wheels.
C: Wow look, a new Aston that’s slightly slower than another Aston, but still slightly faster than another Aston, and it’s competitively priced between the slower and faster Astons. £150k in the middle. I’m kinda thinking if you’ve got £150k for an Aston, then you should really be able to spunk a further £30k for a faster one. What did the Aston feature tell people like me about Astons? My former boss at the chicken farm had two rabbits he called 'Aston' and 'Martin'. They cost roughly £20 pound for both. And don’t you think it’s criminal that a TG presenter doesn’t salivate over the Nürburgring? The place God created on the 7th day - the Sunday afternoon, after carefully crafting the Rachel Bilson blueprint.
G: No, not on the 7th day, I think. It was in a night shift.
C: But James May is still causing me sleepless nights. She looks like a Dick Emery character or Monty Pythons’ interpretation of a woMAN. Especially in that floral blouse.
G: Why do they have to dress up as Colombian drug dealers just pulling slippers to get a snippet of dew in the morning?
C: Is that an old Hungarian saying?
G: About 37 seconds old.
C: Anyway, the news: The Growler... hahahahaha... LOL... LMFAO... etc.
G: I've Googled ‘growler’ too, y'know what I found? First I didn’t find sh*t, THEN I found sh*t.
C: That’s not what I found. Not entirely anyway. You must have mispelt it. So I did a spot of Googling too, all I found was a picture of a venus flytrap.
G: Y’know the song ‘Venus’? “She's got it, yeah baby she's got it...”
G: Oh, yes, JC imitating a Morgan was the most hilarious thing he's ever done in the show so far.
C: No way. Hammy's Pug impressions were awesome. Do you refer to them as Pugs over there? Or is that just a way to describe a small, dangerous, ferociously mouthed dog? Bugger. We're back to the Growler it seems. Get me off the subject!
G: What about 'positive camber'?
C: The new phrase of the week. Doubtless it was trending on Twitter by the end of Sunday.
G: I'd get Clarkson into a quite negative cHamber for that. But I think he was indeed positive about himself. Albeit the negative reactions. So there goes a plus point for him for that. Minus the clothing.
C: ...sorry, just looking at some Goodwood pics. Did I mention it were Goodwood last weekend? No? NOR DID TOP GEAR! THE UK'S PRIME TIME CAR PROGRAMME FAILED US.
G: Yes, tell us about Goodwood... Oh sorry, you weren't there either.
C: No, but I know a girl who was. Armed with a cracking set of... photos.
G: You mean she was a well equipped one.
C: A girl who's into cars. Think of that equation for a moment. Girl + Cars = impromptu toilet break.
G: Cars + Girl = Carl
C: So, the Hot Hatch face-off...
G: Yes. "My name is Lucca..."
C: Firstly, your views on the Shitroen DS3 RACING? I think it was designed by a 17 year old with a big box of brightly coloured crayons. Or a computer games nerd who actually designed it straight for use on PlayStation's Grand Tursimo.
G: Exactly! I was looking where you could hook up your USB stick to upload engine noises.
C: Speaking of horrific colours, I couldn’t see beyond the Clio Cup's mintiness. It was more minty than a double-decker KendaIl mint cake!
G: I think it was actually good looking. I mean - out of the three, I would choose that one.
C: Really? I'd opt for the bus. I mean the Fiat 500 Abarth rag-top just encourages homosexuality in my book, looking like that. From every angle.
G: If the DS was a training shoe, then his car was a cheesy slipper. Top-down roof... Why would you want that on a car that IS a size of a roof?
C: Easy access from behind. BRRR *shivers*: Anyway. Terrible shirts - great feature though. Possibly their best challenge in a while. A few series any road.
G: What was the point of buying a CD? How was it car-related by any means? Was it a test whether you had a stereo in the car?
C: Did someone buy a CD? I must have been dreaming of Goodwood... Still, all that nonsense led up to the boys thrashing the wotnots out of the Monaco GP circuit. It seems a bit wrong that TG presenters aren't avid F1 fans, I think. Don’t you think TG presenters should be more into/knowledagable of their motorsport? ...or #motorspurts even? It's a basic requirement really, isn’t it? On the TG application form...
G: They just sold their soul for a cheap joke.
C: Shameful. Treason-worthy. Hanging in the tower of London offence. "Dear Points of View, why aren’t BBC Top Gear presenters more interested in F1? EXPLAIN!
C: Briartore looked dead. Dead bored.
G: Bernie looked dead. Maybe that's why JC was that fast to get around the track before Ecclestone dies in the car.
C: A nippy little ambulance, you're right. If one of his daughter's accidentally died, I’d definitely be at the front of the qeue for mouth to mouth. Has Briatore got a daughter? I guess if so, she's pretty lard-arsed.
G: I was surprised that Barrichello didn't get angry with Clarkson as much as to throw a steering wheel at him or Webber not showing him the best racing line through the air.
C: Webber's dull as ditchwater. Being an Australian you’d expect him to suddenly wrestle a crocodile or something, not to look dull. And he needs a decent meal inside him. Put a bit of flesh on those bones.
G: Vettel likes Kylie Minogue, so I guess he kinda likes Webber too.
C: I like where you're taking that line of thought. So wrong, it makes it right again. Full circle.
G: Ross Noble, funny man.
C: Do you understand what he's saying? And no, he's not the land speed record Noble before you ask. Nor the Noble mentalist from Noble supercars either for that matter.
G: But he's a noble man for sure.
C: I thought he might be the Cheryl Cole of the comedy circuit in your book.
G: Just imagine what we would say to JC if we were invited as guests. But what would we be invited for?
C: We'd be invited because we dissect the show each week in a mildly amusing manner. And I would look amazing on television. You'd probably look a bit chubby, though.
G: No, I would look amazing, but I am the married one, so...
C: ...the girls in the audience would all want my number. As would James May, just because he looks like a girl. And Hammond would be my new best mate.
G: Although you had to keep looking down not to step on him accidentally.
C: I NEED AN AUDIENCE!!
G: One more thing on Monaco. I wanted to say that JC and May were blown away by the track while banging on the Nürburgring. There's a perfect Aston Martin fitted for, morever, probably developed in the streets of Monaco. Want to guess?
C: The middle ranging one from the top of the show?
G: No, you fool - the Cygnet! A street car from a ‘racetrack’ and it's an Aston Martin for the Riviera. So there you go, James - your ideal Aston Martin is the Cygnet.
C: I couldn't do it. I'd get lost on the way there.
C: And you'd need a haircut.
G: No, I need hair more... grey.
C: ...and on that bombshell...
G: Goodnight, people of Britannia!
C: Goodnight to my new followers in Hungarish, too! I hope you understand me. My English friends haven’t got a clue.
G: I do?
C: You don’t count.
G: I was hoping, though.
C: You're my partner. Non-sexual.
G: No, leave that... that won't end up right.
C: And on that OTHER bombshell... Goodnight and God bless!
G: Let's roll, British GP!
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